w13sgirl
My two sons father abandoned us last week, I have tried telling my 3 year old Mommy will never leave him and loves him and will never leave him. He cries for Daddy and is terrified I will leave too. I think if I could find a book relating to this it might help a little bit, all the ones I can find are for adults. With this being a common situation, there must be a book for kids about it. Any help will be very much appreciated. I don't know what to tell him besides what I have, as I am not going to talk of what a horrible father he has to him.
Help
I hardly think I am being absurd. I am trying to help him not upset him more. His father did this before, but this time took ALL of his belongings, and got money from his father to help him, sold our car, and without me knowing did not pay the house payment the last three months. We are being evicted. He knew. And left me with an epileptic baby and heartbroken three year old. He will not answer phone calls but reads texts and did not even respond when I told him via text that our babys cardiologist called and said his heart monitor which he wears all the time shows he needs a pacemaker. He knew our three year old was having surgery last Friday and did not show up, so yes, I am pretty positive he is not coming back, also helped by the emails I read between him and 9 different girls he has been sleeping with behind my back. If you can't help with my simple question, don't criticize me. I am the good guy in this situation
Answer
I'm going to agree with K. Its only been a week.......anything can happen. Your child does not need a minute-by-minute update to the situation nor does he need a library of books about father "abandonment." Why does he need to think that his father has abandoned HIM???? Are you sure he didn't abandon YOU??
Anyway, as far as a three year old is concerned, right now daddy should be "away for a while" not "gone forever, what an asshole." Its only been a week for heaven's sake!
I have to think that you are adding to the drama because a 3 year old doesn't get "terrified" that someone is going to leave them unless they have been told that someone has left them! Where would he get the idea that anyone has left for good and worry that his Mommy might leave too? From YOU, of course! I'm sure Daddy didn't call to say "bye son, I'm gone for good! It was (not) nice knowin ya!"
Be honest with your son but don't traumatize him with drama. If he asks where daddy is, be honest and say "He's at Grandma's" (or whereever) or "I don't know" (if you really don't know) but that you hope he comes home soon. If he asks when daddy's coming back, say "I hope he comes back very soon" etc. No drama. When he misses daddy, just hold him, tell him you hope daddy calls soon, tell him its OK to miss him and to be sad about it. He can draw pictures for daddy, call daddy (if possible), etc. Enlist Grandma's help (dad's mom). Reassure him that daddy loves him.
Above all else, it is your job to shield him from what is going on between you two. Despite the fact that you *think* he has been a horrible father, your son obviously perceives it differently and you need to nurture that perception no matter how much it kills you. If he truly has been a horrible daddy, your son will discover that for himself as he grows older - kids are smart that way - and he will love you even more for not belittling and negating his precious daddy.
I'm sorry for the situation you're in right now and I wish you much strength for the days that come.
I'm going to agree with K. Its only been a week.......anything can happen. Your child does not need a minute-by-minute update to the situation nor does he need a library of books about father "abandonment." Why does he need to think that his father has abandoned HIM???? Are you sure he didn't abandon YOU??
Anyway, as far as a three year old is concerned, right now daddy should be "away for a while" not "gone forever, what an asshole." Its only been a week for heaven's sake!
I have to think that you are adding to the drama because a 3 year old doesn't get "terrified" that someone is going to leave them unless they have been told that someone has left them! Where would he get the idea that anyone has left for good and worry that his Mommy might leave too? From YOU, of course! I'm sure Daddy didn't call to say "bye son, I'm gone for good! It was (not) nice knowin ya!"
Be honest with your son but don't traumatize him with drama. If he asks where daddy is, be honest and say "He's at Grandma's" (or whereever) or "I don't know" (if you really don't know) but that you hope he comes home soon. If he asks when daddy's coming back, say "I hope he comes back very soon" etc. No drama. When he misses daddy, just hold him, tell him you hope daddy calls soon, tell him its OK to miss him and to be sad about it. He can draw pictures for daddy, call daddy (if possible), etc. Enlist Grandma's help (dad's mom). Reassure him that daddy loves him.
Above all else, it is your job to shield him from what is going on between you two. Despite the fact that you *think* he has been a horrible father, your son obviously perceives it differently and you need to nurture that perception no matter how much it kills you. If he truly has been a horrible daddy, your son will discover that for himself as he grows older - kids are smart that way - and he will love you even more for not belittling and negating his precious daddy.
I'm sorry for the situation you're in right now and I wish you much strength for the days that come.
If God is real, why do I have to rely on a 3,000 year old book?
djericho21
Why can't he just show himself to me or tell me that he's real? It seems awfully complicated to have this magic book that you have to accept by faith with no evidence...
Answer
2,000 year old book you mean!!!
Academia states that in the absence of proof of the existence of something it must be deemed not to exist until verifiable proof is found - thus god is held not to exist pending some sort of verifiable evidence.
There is not one single mention of Jesus in the entire Roman record - that is right - not one!!! At the same time as he was supposed to have been around there were a number of Jews claiming to be the messiah - all of whom are well recorded!!
There is not a single contemporary record from any source and even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!!
He was supposed to have been a huge problem to the Romans and produced wonderful miracles but still not one contemporary record?
Even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!!
Pilate is recorded in the Roman record as a somewhat lack luster man but no mention of a Jesus, a trial or crucifixion that would surely have been used to make him look brighter!!
At best he was an amalgam of those others!!
The Roman Emperor Constantine produced the bible and he was a pagan not god!!! He also organized Christianity into the Holly Roman Catholic Church!! Not in Israel or any of the countries of supposed origin but entirely ITALIAN!!
Not one word of it is contemporary with the period and was not written until several hundred years after the period the story is set in!! How did the apostles write their books more than a hundred years after they would have been dead?
What a wonder full disinformation and deception campaign he waged against his Christian enemies - so good in fact that Christians are still following the deception to this day!!!
The first person to provide a shred of verifiable evidence for God will become world famous and mega rich!! Ain't happened yet and it never will!!
So how does this primitive belief survive? The answer is simple and very down to Earth!!
Acceptance of a supernatural claim tends to promote cooperative social relationships. This communication demonstrates a willingness to accept, without skepticism, the influence of the speaker in a way similar to a child's acceptance of the influence of a parent. By encouraging this kind of behavior where the most intense social relationships occur it facilitates the lack of skepticism and deters more open minded thinking.
They are christian, Muslim or the other religions depending where they were born simply because they were indoctrinated by their parents as very young children. They will go on to indoctrinate their own children and those will go on to indoctrinate their grandchildren!!
Atheists have the intellect to see through the conditioning and escape into the real world!!
Agnostics have the intellect to see through the conditioning but lack the courage to throw of the conditioning entirely.
Sadly Christians are still held firmly prisoner by the self perpetuating brainwashing!!
2,000 year old book you mean!!!
Academia states that in the absence of proof of the existence of something it must be deemed not to exist until verifiable proof is found - thus god is held not to exist pending some sort of verifiable evidence.
There is not one single mention of Jesus in the entire Roman record - that is right - not one!!! At the same time as he was supposed to have been around there were a number of Jews claiming to be the messiah - all of whom are well recorded!!
There is not a single contemporary record from any source and even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!!
He was supposed to have been a huge problem to the Romans and produced wonderful miracles but still not one contemporary record?
Even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!!
Pilate is recorded in the Roman record as a somewhat lack luster man but no mention of a Jesus, a trial or crucifixion that would surely have been used to make him look brighter!!
At best he was an amalgam of those others!!
The Roman Emperor Constantine produced the bible and he was a pagan not god!!! He also organized Christianity into the Holly Roman Catholic Church!! Not in Israel or any of the countries of supposed origin but entirely ITALIAN!!
Not one word of it is contemporary with the period and was not written until several hundred years after the period the story is set in!! How did the apostles write their books more than a hundred years after they would have been dead?
What a wonder full disinformation and deception campaign he waged against his Christian enemies - so good in fact that Christians are still following the deception to this day!!!
The first person to provide a shred of verifiable evidence for God will become world famous and mega rich!! Ain't happened yet and it never will!!
So how does this primitive belief survive? The answer is simple and very down to Earth!!
Acceptance of a supernatural claim tends to promote cooperative social relationships. This communication demonstrates a willingness to accept, without skepticism, the influence of the speaker in a way similar to a child's acceptance of the influence of a parent. By encouraging this kind of behavior where the most intense social relationships occur it facilitates the lack of skepticism and deters more open minded thinking.
They are christian, Muslim or the other religions depending where they were born simply because they were indoctrinated by their parents as very young children. They will go on to indoctrinate their own children and those will go on to indoctrinate their grandchildren!!
Atheists have the intellect to see through the conditioning and escape into the real world!!
Agnostics have the intellect to see through the conditioning but lack the courage to throw of the conditioning entirely.
Sadly Christians are still held firmly prisoner by the self perpetuating brainwashing!!
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