Q. We are invited for a Birthday Party of 9 years old boy whos parents are friends to us. We think, some good book will be right. What book shall we buy for him?
Answer
The Magic Treehouse books are good.
The Magic Treehouse books are good.
Parenting Question? 9 year old boy?
James
I am a 28 year old man who has four children. Yes, I am married to their mother. We have been married for almost 11 years (I know, we started young). We have 2 boys 9 and 7, and 2 girls 5 and 3. I try to be the best Dad I can, but most of the time I fail miserably, but I do feel bad for my failures and try to do better. My oldest son is very hard to raise. He is a good kid and does well in school, but he doesnt listen to ANYTHING his mother or I tell him to do. If I am super nice and compassionate, he will not do his chores. If I ride his ass, he gives me a hard time, but finally does them. He litterally takes 2 hours to sweep our 10x10 kitchen because he gets so distracted. And takes the same amount of time to do his 10 minute homework. I have to tell him 1000 times to finish and finally he does. I feel bad for yelling at him and riding his ass all the time because I don't want to ruin his childhood or anything, but it seems like if I'm not a dick, he wouldn't do anything. Believe me, I've tried every approach, but being a dick is all that registers in his brain. He just won't do what I ask him when I sit him down and talk rationally, and although he hates when I ride him, he does complete his homework and chores (albeit slow). What do I do? I have 3 other children that need attention too and I don't have the time to be a Sigmund Freud with him. I don't want to make him hate me, but he needs to get is s*^t done and riding him is all that seems to work. Please help!
Answer
We've struggled with that from time to time, too, and I've found that yelling works in the short term, but overall, it doesn't help and just makes everyone angry.
Your son has to find his own reason to get that work done in a timely manner. My oldest is 9, and she does her homework right away because she knows that she can't watch TV or play on the computer or have playdates until she does. (Now, she gets a packet of weekly homework, so she came up with the idea on her own to do half on Saturday and half on Sunday, leaving her weekdays free, and she has to stick to it or not get to do those fun things.) Don't nag him about the work -- just state the rule. "When your homework is done, you may play/watch TV/whatever." Then, make sure he's set up with his homework, a pencil, and maybe a snack if needed, and leave him alone. As long as he's still at the table, let him be. If he gets up, remind him that he can't play until his schoolwork is done. Also, make sure that he's understanding his homework -- if he feels overwhelmed, he may be stalling to avoid work that's too challenging.
We haven't been great about doing chores consistently, but again, it's the same philosophy. I will tell the kids ahead of time what jobs I expect them to do, and when those jobs are done, they can do their fun things. Or some days, if there's a lot to get done, we'll work for 30 minutes, then play for 30 minutes, and continue to alternate work and play. I do my best to let them choose their jobs when possible, too -- would you like to help clean the basement or clean a bathroom? Do you want to vacuum or dust? Sometimes, we'll work together on a room, and I'll give directions as we go. "Can you please find all the books and put them on the bookshelf? Can someone else put all the shoes where they belong? Can someone else wipe off the table?" It goes quickly, and they're focusing on just one small task at a time rather than a whole room.
Hang in there, and keep trying. It may surprise you, but the more you show respect to him, the more he'll respect you and want to do what you ask.
We've struggled with that from time to time, too, and I've found that yelling works in the short term, but overall, it doesn't help and just makes everyone angry.
Your son has to find his own reason to get that work done in a timely manner. My oldest is 9, and she does her homework right away because she knows that she can't watch TV or play on the computer or have playdates until she does. (Now, she gets a packet of weekly homework, so she came up with the idea on her own to do half on Saturday and half on Sunday, leaving her weekdays free, and she has to stick to it or not get to do those fun things.) Don't nag him about the work -- just state the rule. "When your homework is done, you may play/watch TV/whatever." Then, make sure he's set up with his homework, a pencil, and maybe a snack if needed, and leave him alone. As long as he's still at the table, let him be. If he gets up, remind him that he can't play until his schoolwork is done. Also, make sure that he's understanding his homework -- if he feels overwhelmed, he may be stalling to avoid work that's too challenging.
We haven't been great about doing chores consistently, but again, it's the same philosophy. I will tell the kids ahead of time what jobs I expect them to do, and when those jobs are done, they can do their fun things. Or some days, if there's a lot to get done, we'll work for 30 minutes, then play for 30 minutes, and continue to alternate work and play. I do my best to let them choose their jobs when possible, too -- would you like to help clean the basement or clean a bathroom? Do you want to vacuum or dust? Sometimes, we'll work together on a room, and I'll give directions as we go. "Can you please find all the books and put them on the bookshelf? Can someone else put all the shoes where they belong? Can someone else wipe off the table?" It goes quickly, and they're focusing on just one small task at a time rather than a whole room.
Hang in there, and keep trying. It may surprise you, but the more you show respect to him, the more he'll respect you and want to do what you ask.
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